just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
