this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
