You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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