The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
