apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
