im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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