Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
