Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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