omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
