So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Boobs speak an international language.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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