it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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