On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Vodka?
Forever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
