playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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