I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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