He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize