Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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