woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
