You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
