I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
