i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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