you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
