the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
