My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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