I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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