well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
