i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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