North Korea, Best Korea!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
