party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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