Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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