Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
