he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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