Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
