Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
