is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
