yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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