Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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