I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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