I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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