Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
