things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
