I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
