If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I will pee on everything he values.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
