She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
