remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
