Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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