I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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