My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ttyl tear gas
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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