Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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