I'm jealous of your bromance
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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