That's intense
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
