So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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