My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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