Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
