Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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