Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
