Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
