He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
