I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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