Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
