i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
