did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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