this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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