i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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