I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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