I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
