he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize