the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
