Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
