Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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