you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
