i already hear my dad disowning me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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