checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
