My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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