he thought i was a dude.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
