The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
