we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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