I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
