Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
