dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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