We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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