everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
