so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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