im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
