If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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