im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
