shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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