peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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