I just made out with a guy for $7.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
