First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
