3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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