ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You are the jesus of drinking
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
